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Control is Just Another Name for Failure
Control is just another word for failure because attempting to dictate unpredictable challenges, like traffic or chronic pain, only sets us up for frustration. By shifting our mindset from managing to controlling, we can adjust to the inevitable ups and downs without feeding the stress of perceived failure.
Thomas E Gripp
3/22/20262 min read
The Trap of Control
We often think that if we work hard enough, we can dictate the outcome of our lives. However, control is just another word for failure. The central philosophy of this post is simple: if we endeavor to control every aspect of our lives, we are setting ourselves up for failure.
When we try to force outcomes in an unpredictable world, we are fighting a losing battle. We face tasks, challenges, and problems daily that we are destined to fail at if our only goal is total control.
The Daily Commute: A Lesson in Management
To better understand this, look at your daily drive. You may determine where your automobile is on the road, but you have absolutely no control over what other drivers are doing.
The Illusion: You think you can control whether you arrive on time.
The Reality: A million things can happen—traffic lights, road closures, accidents, etc. Even if you manage what you can, something beyond your control can upend your efforts.
Instead of controlling the road, you are managing your situation. You try to put yourself in the best position to avoid accidents and reach your destination. You take practical steps:
Leaving plenty early.
Checking your phone for traffic issues.
Planning your route or using an app.
When you view driving as "management," a traffic jam is just data to process. When you view it as something you must "control," a traffic jam becomes a personal failure and a source of rage.
Applying the Road to the Body: Chronic Pain
Those failures to control external events accumulate in your mind, creating frustration. Now, apply that same logic to your chronic pain.
Chronic pain is much like the traffic on your commute. You can manage it, but there are days when it's going to get the best of you. External factors trigger heightened pain or lower your coping mechanisms, such as:
Forgetting to use your tools.
A massive project at work is wearing you down.
A tragedy piling on stress.
An illness.
If your goal was to control the pain, these flare-ups mean you have failed to achieve it. This perceived failure piles on stress.
The Cortisol Monster
When you try to control the uncontrollable, you feed the "cortisol monster." If you are out to control the pain, in your mind, you are constantly failing. This creates a vicious cycle where the stress of "failing" to stop the pain actually makes the experience of pain worse.
The Freedom of Management
The solution is a shift in mindset. If you are trying to control, you have failed; but if you recognize you are managing it, you can handle the moments when pain gets the best of you.
When a flare-up happens, you don't view it as a defeat. You adjust and return to managing the pain.
Acknowledge the ups and downs: You know they are coming, so you are not blindsided.
Adjust your values: You lower your expectations for the day, not out of weakness, but out of strategy.
Reduce the stress: By accepting the situation, you add less stress for the cortisol monster to feed on.
Conclusion
At the end of the day, you can’t stop the rain, the traffic, or every flare-up. But you can change how you react to them. Stop trying to control. Start managing. It is the only way to turn a feeling of failure into a life of resilience.
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